Many struggle with exhibiting assertive behavior because they confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. It may be especially difficult if you’ve maintained a passive personality most of your life. Now, you feel that you may hurt feelings and make enemies if you practice assertiveness.
If you’ve been an aggressive personality most of your life, it may be very difficult to contain your anger and harshness when dealing with others. You want your way and may not think it can happen by stepping down a rung or two on the ladder to assertive behavior.
There is a line between both passive and assertive and aggressive and assertive behaviors. You may want to second-guess yourself about crossing the line—but if you know the traits of an assertive personality versus passive and aggressive, you should be able to stand up for yourself without backing down or becoming angry and frustrated.
Here is a quick guide to using assertive rather than passive or aggressive behavior:
Assertive
Clearly states an opinion, but is respectful of others beliefs.
Makes eye contact with others
Body language is relaxed and open
Considers him or herself as valuable as others
Set goals and reaches them.
Aggressive
Becomes angry and attacks the other person’s opinions.
Glaring stares at the person
Body language is rigid and may enter another’s space
He or she knows it all.
May reach goals no matter what he says or does.
Passive
Stay in the corner and don’t express opinions at all.
Avoids making eye contact
Body language is withdrawn and slumped
No self-value or self-esteem
Doesn’t know how to set goals – or reach them.
As you can see by the above patterns, there’s a vast difference between each of the key personality traits. Everyone admires assertive traits, but they may not easily accept them—at least, not at first. As you continue to practice assertive behavior patterns, you’ll find it easier to transform from passive or aggressive to assertive. Just remember to think before you act.
There are exceptions to every rule, but if you make it a point to be sensitive to people’s feelings and notice body language and facial expressions, you’ll do well in developing an assertive personality style that will bode well for you.
