What thoughts come to mind when you read this question? Is this question making you uncomfortable?
If this is the case for you, perhaps it’s time to reconsider the meaning of the word confidence.
What exactly is confidence?
What comes to mind when you think of someone who exudes confidence? Is the individual displaying any of the following characteristics:
- They are absolute in their belief of themselves.
- They believe they are capable of handling their current situation.
- They anticipate success when they begin a new task.
- They mean what they say.
- They appear to have a natural strength.
- They are comfortable in their own skin.
- They are not arrogant.
- They take risks.
- They maximize new opportunities.
A common theme is that these qualities describe confidence that begins internally and is not superficial.
Likewise, confidence is not something that someone can give nor take from you: Only you can.
Confidence is an internal belief that you can handle whatever comes your way. Confidence is a feeling so strong it translates into self-assurance even in new or difficult situations.
Importantly, this kind of feeling is not unjustified. This must be a genuine assurance, based on a realistic understanding of what you’re capable of.
Confidence isn’t always something you inherently possess; sometimes you have to work for it. Once you’ve gained confidence, you must maintain it because it can be easily undermined. Confidence is most powerful when it is based on self-awareness and experience.
Confidence is an important life skill that will help you achieve more in life.
But that’s not all.
Benefits Of Building Confidence
Working on your confidence isn’t always easy, but it is worth the effort. Here’s what you stand to gain:
Improved Performance
Increasing your confidence can help you perform better in many areas of your life. For example, confidence can boost your work productivity while also encouraging you to pursue other opportunities, such as difficult projects or promotions. Confidence in what you’re doing can help you perform at your peak. The more confident you are in your abilities, the better you will perform.
Ease of Social Situations
People who are confident appear to be at ease in social situations. They do not rely on the opinions of others for validation or on their own self-worth. This leads to a greater sense of comfort in these situations. Confidence gives you the freedom to be yourself. In these situations, the positive energy and confidence that these people exude attracts others and puts them at ease.
Better Health
Increasing your confidence boosts your self-esteem as well as your mental and physical health. Knowing your own worth, values, and abilities, rather than relying on others to provide them for you, can help you be happier, stronger, and more emotionally secure. Children who grow up with a stronger sense of self-worth tend to do better in school, have better grades, take better care of themselves, and excel in sports, the arts, and socialization.
Overall Happiness
Boosting your self-confidence can help you be happier. Those who have a healthy level of confidence report being happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who lack confidence. Confidence can improve your relationships, career, and performance.
Less Insecurity and Doubt
Confidence helps you become more self-aware of your worth. This helps you to easily squelch the common feelings of insecurity and doubt that crop up. When you are confident, you know what you bring to the table, what you want, and how you’re going to get it. You refuse to allow insecurities or doubt to creep in.
Confidence increases your overall satisfaction and quality of life.
But what if you lack confidence? Let’s consider the disadvantages of a lack of confidence. (Hint: It isn’t pretty).
The Serious Effects of a Lack of Confidence
Do you have a queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach?
Does life seem to pass you by (and not in a good way)?
Do you secretly believe that you don’t deserve anything good in your life? That you deserve everything that’s seems to go wrong in your life.
There is a strong link between self-image and self-esteem: If one is low, the other is likely to be as well. A lack of confidence can have serious consequences in your life, affecting how you approach your career, how you behave in relationships, and more.
Consider the following consequences of a lack of confidence:
Self-Loathing
As a result of low self-esteem, you’ll end up despising yourself. You despise your own thoughts and actions, and you can’t stand hearing yourself speak aloud. Self-loathing is often accompanied by frustration and an unhealthy dose of anger. You find it difficult to forgive yourself for any mistakes. It is critical that you challenge and correct your inner dialogue. Don’t let your inner critic drive your self-hatred. Begin by forgiving yourself and viewing your mistakes as life lessons that will make you stronger and wiser.
Body Image Issues
A lack of confidence can make you feel bad about yourself. It could be your muffin top, your displeasure with your chest size, or even your hair. Did you know that even the most beautiful people can be self-conscious about their bodies? When you have a serious lack of confidence, you despise your body in an unhealthy way. This can lead to addictive, toxic behavior such as binge drinking, smoking, and drug use. Stop comparing yourself to others to stop feeling bad about your body. Holding yourself up to others is the quickest way to steal your joy and fuel insecurity.
Nothing to Offer
When you lack confidence, you may believe you have nothing to offer. We all have reservations, particularly in certain areas of our lives. However, it is not the same as feeling deeply worthless because you believe you have no value.
Is this something you’ve heard before?
Your worth is something you create rather than something determined by others. We’re all human and no one is better than you. You can respect and admire others, but that does not mean you should put them on a pedestal above yourself.
Oversensitive
Every criticism, real or imagined, elicits a negative reaction that has the potential to destroy you. Oversensitivity is driven by a lack of confidence. Pay close attention to the context of what is being said to you. This will allow you to accurately assess whether the comment is true and the messenger’s intention. After that, you can decide how you truly feel about it. If you discover truth in a criticism, treat it as a learning experience. If there is no truth, simply disregard it and move on.
Anxious
Being anxious is not always synonymous with being anxious. People who struggle with feelings of anxiety and fear frequently lack confidence. It is preventing you from accomplishing your goals in life.
Anger
Every emotion has value, and experiencing emotions is a natural part of being human. When you lack confidence, your emotions can become distorted. You may begin to believe that your thoughts and feelings are unimportant to anyone, which can lead to resentment and pent-up anger. Remove yourself from a situation that makes you angry and deal with your emotions before proceeding.
Now that we’ve defined confidence and discussed the benefits of being confident versus the consequences of not being confident, let’s look at how to tell you’re lacking confidence:
Clues You May Lack Confidence
There are so many reasons why you may lack confidence. You may have been bullied as a child, or your parents may have shattered you rather than built you up. It could have been a failed relationship that left you in limbo. Perhaps you have low self-esteem.
We’re all just human, and our confidence can be shaken by life and the circumstances we face. Regardless of the reason, someone who lacks confidence will not feel smart, attractive, or good enough.
Are you worried about your confidence levels?
Signs you may lack confidence:
Explaining Yourself
Do you constantly make excuses or try to explain your actions? For example, you have been invited to a party. You are busy that night, but you feel the need to justify your non-attendance. Instead of simply “I can’t make it”, you spin a tale of exactly why you won’t be able to attend.
Confident people don’t explain their actions. Their answer is “yes” or “no”.
Your inability to attend a party does not change your identity as a person. When you make a mistake, you don’t need to come up with a million reasons why it happened. You are human, and no one is perfect. Making excuses and constantly attempting to explain yourself are signs of insecurity.
Reacting To Criticism
Even if it’s constructive, no one enjoys criticism. But how do you respond? When someone makes a critical remark, do you react aggressively and quickly?
It could be something simple. Let’s say you did not perform well in your most recent game. When a friend compliments your performance, you immediately respond with a slightly aggressive excuse. This demonstrates a lack of confidence.
People who are self-assured can handle criticism. They have the power to determine whether or not it is constructive. If it is, they will follow the advice. They dismiss and move on if the comment is not constructive.
Compensation
When your friend comments that you appear depressed, your immediate response is to deny it. You not only deny being sad, but you also claim that you are never sad. That is obviously not the case, but overcompensating is a fairly common trait in people who lack confidence. Y
We each compensate in our own unique way. Some may be arrogant, while others may react similarly to the example. We have strengths and weaknesses, and that’s fine. You are not required to make amends.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is frequently cited as a strength. It isn’t in fact, quite the opposite. Perfectionism is a sign of insecurity. Because humans are flawed, perfectionism is excessive pressure. You’re setting yourself up for failure because it’s unattainable. Your pursuit of perfection will lead to disappointment and a gradual loss of confidence.
People with confidence aren’t perfectionists, but they give their best.
Indecisiveness
Someone who lacks confidence will struggle to make a decision, whether it is as simple as deciding what to eat for dinner or something more serious. They are paralyzed by options because they are filled with doubt.
What if they make the wrong choice? What if that leads to criticism or makes their friends dislike them? They do not believe they are capable of weighing pros and cons objectively. They are unable to make a decision because they do not believe they can make the right choice.
Ask yourself: Do you feel confident, or do you wish you could improve?
Some people demonstrate confidence by trying new things, making decisions, and practicing self-control. Others exude confidence through their enthusiasm and passion. Others show this by extending trust and being respectful. All of these exercises boost their self-esteem.
Think about several tasks. How effective do you believe you will be in completing the tasks? This exercise is referred to as self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is an important factor in determining whether you are confident. If you feel you believe you are efficient in a particular area, then it will increase your satisfaction and help you reinforce your success.
A confident person views a challenge as merely an obstacle they need to overcome. They quickly recover from setbacks, are unafraid to try new things, and move on. Your level of confidence can impact your performance. It will also influence how satisfied you are with your choices, whether that is the words you choose to speak, and/or the actions that you take.
A strong belief in yourself and your abilities will affect your determination, motivation, grit, performance, and your choices will be influenced by your strong belief in yourself and your abilities.
Consider the following questions to explore your level of confidence:
- I do what I believe to be expected of me over what I believe is right.
- I am comfortable when facing a new situation.
- Life leaves me feeling energized and positive.
- I avoid doing things that appear difficult.
- Even when others give up, I keep going.
- I will work hard to solve a problem.
- I set out to achieve every goal I set.
- I am left feeling negative and hopeless when faced with a challenge.
- I relate to those who work hard and fail to achieve their goals.
- I often receive positive feedback on my achievements and performance.
- I need immediate success to maintain motivation throughout a project or I will walk away.
- I consider the lessons learned after overcoming a challenge.
- With a bit of hard work, I know I can achieve my goals.
- I maintain contact with people successful in my industry.
Your answers to these questions may provide a good idea of whether you are a confident person in your normal life.
Now, let’s go further.
Read the following statements. Grade them on a scale of 1 to 3: 1 – being deeply true, 2 – sometimes true, and 3 – not normally true:
- I have a good sense of my weaknesses and strengths.
- I’m willing to take a risk if it’s for something that I believe in.
- I am prepared for new experiences.
- I am capable of coping with doubt and fear.
- I make time to remind myself of past success.
- I understand that failure is an inevitable part of life.
- I am capable of coping with unexpected events and changes.
- I’m comfortable in asking for support.
- I know my values.
- My actions align with my values.
- I don’t easily give up.
- I understand that not everyone will approve of me or like me.
- I have a strong sense of self-worth.
- I understand that setbacks are to be expected.
- I don’t get down on myself when I’m facing a tough time.
If you marked most of these with a “1”, then you have nothing to worry about. You’re as confident as can be. If the majority of your answers were “2”, you could probably use a boost of confidence, but you’re close.
If you answered the majority of your questions with a “3”, then you’re on shaky ground.
No worries. It’s okay, you can work on it.
Good news! You can boost your confidence, and you can get started with these actions:
1. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
The quickest way to sap your confidence is by constantly trying to compare yourself and your life to the people around you. It’s great that your friend from high school bought a house and made a big social media post about it. It’s also nice your college roommate just got married and started a new job.
You can be happy for them without comparing your situation to theirs. There is a link between how you feel about yourself and jealousy.
If you constantly compare yourself to others, it will be difficult to avoid jealousy and feeling about yourself. When you catch yourself making comparisons, remind yourself that it isn’t productive. No matter how hard the world tries to otherwise convince you, life is not a competition.
2. Physically Take Care of Yourself
Take care of yourself. It is extremely difficult to be self-confident when you do not properly care for yourself. Don’t skip meals or miss sleep or avoid exercise. You will feel confident when you feel good about yourself, and taking care of your body is an important part of that.
3. Have Some Self-Compassion
Even confident people make mistakes. The difference between confident people and those who lack confidence is the ability to exercise self-compassion. Being harsh on yourself will not motivate you; on the contrary, it will demotivate you. Because we’re only human, it’s unavoidable that you’ll make a mistake at some point.
How do you typically respond when this happens? You’re doing it wrong if you immediately start beating yourself up.
Think about how you treat a friend who has made a mistake. You provide them with comfort and support, right? Now it’s time to extend that same courtesy to yourself, you deserve self-compassion.
4. Embrace Self-Doubt
Whether it’s applying for new jobs or asking someone out, we all put things off. We will tell ourselves we’ll do it when we’re more confident. Have you considered how following through can help you feel more confident? Yes, sometimes taking action is the best way to boost your confidence. So, embrace your self-doubt – go ahead and do it anyway.
5. Challenge Your Inner Voice
When your inner-critic and your brain tell you you’re not good enough to do something, it’s time to try something new.
Quietly remind yourself that your inner voice and your brain are not always correct. Sometimes, the best way to deal with your negative inner voice is to challenge it.
So, when your brain tells you, “You can’t”, go out and do it anyway. You may feel nervous or anxious about it, but every step you take forward, the more confidence that will build.
Reflection
You must have a healthy level of confidence if you want to live a fulfilling life.
When you feel self-confident, you are more likely to try new things. But that isn’t all. There are numerous advantages to having confidence, including improved performance, better health, and overall happiness.
As a result, low self-esteem breeds self-loathing, anxiety and anger. It is critical to determine whether you lack confidence. Seeking perfection, compensating for perceived weaknesses, and constantly explaining yourself to others are all signs of a lack of confidence.
In this article, I included a series of questions you can ask yourself to determine if you have low self-confidence and your level of confidence. Finally, you were given strategies for increasing your self-esteem.
Whether you want to take a salsa class or apply for a new job, the key to getting started is to believe in yourself. Confidence allows you to concentrate on the task at hand rather than wasting energy and time worrying about what other people think.
Confident people outperform others. When you deliver a presentation with confidence, you will be more focused on the message you want to convey to the audience. If you lack confidence, you will be preoccupied with what the audience is thinking and whether you are doing well.
Confidence is essential for professional success. Increasing your confidence can mean the difference between achieving your career goals and watching others achieve theirs.
Where have you lacked confidence?
